Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:13:51 GMT

So I never update my journal anymore, sorry about that :/. I just starting looking at some ways to practice Japanese and might start updating my journal in Japanese for practice but we'll see.

Anyways, I feel like some of you probably already use this/are aware of it but it's uber fun and useful and I have been slightly addicted to it lately:

Reflections

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:51:28 GMT

So everyone is doing this reflecting on the year thing, I was going to say I would do it later, closer to the end of the year, but we all know that probably won't happen so I might as well do it while I'm thinking about it and procrastinating :).

A lot of the year kind of runs together for me, especially as far as high school goes. I'm so glad that's over, what a waste of a mind. I did learn a lot about myself, but now I'm somewhere where I'm able to learn a lot about the world also and that's really important to me. I've left high school behind now though, and in leaving it I've left a lot of things behind. I have a lot of good memories I suppose, but now that I'm in a place I love with people I love and now that I'm realizing how amazing life can be high school just looks like a joke. One of the biggest things I remember from my last semester of high school is Aaron, breaking my heart more than anyone had ever broken it before, and more than I had ever expected possible considering how I thought I felt about him. In the end though, I'm glad it didn't work out or I never would be where I am now. That is definitely one of those situations that just being away from it helps. I remember all the stuff with CMB and as I was telling him last week, I think that only made our friendship stronger.

That's actually all I'm going to say about high school I think, because (no offense to anyone who may actually read this that I went to high school with) I really don't give a shit about it anymore. Not only in the "college is way better" sort of way but in the "by in large people in college are way better" sort of way. This is not to say I don't have some great friends from high school that I still appreciate and enjoy spending time with, but really I went to college and I fit in and people care and people smile and people don't waste time labeling you.

Going to Carleton has taught me so much about myself in such a short amount of time, and I'm growing because of it. I'm so much stronger, so much more outgoing. I'm more open to talking about things. I'm in counseling, once a week. I'm also meeting with a nurse practitioner (who weighs me, and won't tell me the number, which I hate but I guess is good) and a nutritionist (who is kind and helpful without being overbearing), weekly. With occasional visits to the hospital (lab work, EKG, speaking with a doctor specializing in the sort of thing, etc.). It's a lot of work, it's exhausting, but it's worth it. I'm still too afraid to say it out loud, or even to type it exactly, but I'm getting there and one day I think I'll be able to.

Another huge thing in my life right now is Dan, he doesn't really know much about relationships, but he's doing a pretty amazing job. He's just the sort of person I fit with, I suppose. It's a relationship where we just automatically clicked and everyone involved could see it coming from a mile away (even me, which is basically a first). I think I'll leave the rest of this topic in my head, it's interesting, and good. It's not love, yet.

Carleton. Amazing. I'm not sure I can even explain it. I know that most people aren't having as good of a college experience as I am, because they've told me about it. I could go on for hours explaining all the things I love about Carleton. I won't, because I know them and if anyone particularly wants to know I would rather ramble to them in person. It's just the place for me. It's a place I fit in. It's a place I can call home. It makes me realize that Kalamazoo is not my home, which is sad but I'm moving on. I suppose this is my first announcement to the world, I'm not living in Kalamazoo when I'm done with college. I always thought I would but really, it's just not the place for me. Carleton is where I'm happy. Carleton is where I have fun. Carleton is where Becky, Lauren, Katie, Dan, Wee-Colin, Jason, Frank, Max, Clay, Johanna Stephen, Izzy, Alyssa, Christian, Noah, Jonathon and Katie's-Colin are. Those are people I feel comfortable with, those are people that I miss terribly. I never thought I would have so many friends, I never thought I would have so many close friends. Those are my people. I'm so glad there are only two weeks left of break because I will be so happy to be back at Carleton. I'll be glad to get back to the constant adventures, the cookie-making, the hugging, the dance parties, even the study parties.

There you have it, I suppose. That's my year in reflection. Kudos if you actually read all of that. I probably will post New Years Resolutions if I make them.

Sun, 21 Mar 2004 15:13:38 GMT

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Jesse

Reflections